As I sit and half watch and roll my eyes at the
#Bachelorette and
LAUGHoutFUCKINGloud at
Jen Friel's amaZAzing weekend with her CanadianConquest (aka the International Badass), I find myself going over the events of this weekend.
The weekend was pretty great on many levels. Not on the levels that all of you might think, but more so in that this weekend gave me a glimpse... nah, more so of a sucker punch in the face of what I want and what I don't want right now.
I
F.I.N.A.L.L.Y met
#MOBD after months of chatting, texting, phone calls, and 1 amusing Skype session. He surprised me with a visit to the store on Friday, and then I surprised myself and him with a visit to
Max's on Broadway where I recommended he and his cousin go.
If you like, LOVE, appreciate anything BEER, you MUST GET YOUR ASS to Max's the next time you stop by #Brawltimore. The brew selection at Max's is OFF the Wall... both literally and figuratively. There are taps EVERYWHERE and the beer list MENU is fucking insane!
Seriously, you should go!
While at Max's
#MOBD and I chatted over Boddingtons, for the first time ever (excluding his visit to the liquor store)... FACEtoFACE I found that I was a little in awe. He was and is, most definitely, much better looking in person.
On a scale of 1 to AshleyLIKEY...
He rated with an AshleyLikey!
Especially considering I have only seen photos and had 1 Skype chat with him.
I stayed until Last Call, then
#MOBD and his cousin walked my to my car (Lola, she was a Show Girl). The cousin hailed them a cab, and left
#MOBD and Me on opposite sides of the blue lady. With the Show Girl in between us the thought of kissing him was once again in my head... Oh did I not mention that I was thinking about it in the bar. Well I was. What sensible girl who has been talking to a guy who lives
too-fucking-far-away wouldn't think of kissing. Because I like kissing, and I like to think about it and well I was thinking about it. And thinking. And thinking. And apparently
#MOBD was too, because when he went in for the kill my brain went in for the STOP SIGN. And the damn sensible bitch, the most definitely sober girl in my head, said NopeNONOnopeNahHowAboutWeDoThisTomorrowNightWhenYou'reBothinthesameStateofMind.
And I stopped him and pushed him toward the cab.
Seriously.
I did that.
Saturday morning rolls around.
I played rugby.
The team came in 2nd!!!!!
I received a minor concussion (self diagnosed of course... I'm a pro a diagnosing them now... I get them so often--thanks Rugby), and a super sexy mild sunburn on the right side of my face, oh yeah and a few super sexy bruises.
Saturday night arrives.
I shower and get
sexy-fied ready, and wait for
#MOBD's arrival.
When I try to vacate the house to go pick him up the roommates step in and DEMAND that he come to the house for the 3rd
Inquisition (or 4th? Wait, how many were there?! I shamefully didn't pay attention during that high school History lesson) aka they wanted to see his ass. Apparently I'd been talking him up... and
blogging about him... and
tweeting... and just not shutting up.
I convinced (with little convincing actually necessary)
#MOBD to walk to my house where I told him my roommates were going to grill his ass like a high school prom date. He bravely accepted the challenge and held his head up high as he entered the house... looking Oh-So-Good-Looking (and "OMGhe'sSoCUTEEEEEE"--according to the roommates AND one of their friends who stopped by).
After all of 1 minute and probably 39 seconds of harassment and a
"You have to bring Ashley home by 9:30PM" from Roommate M, I managed to safely remove
#MOBD from their high-heel-party-dress-wearing clutches. We skeedaddled out of there and hit the road on our way to
Dave & Busters.
Dinner was good. Conversation was great. Games and Kicking ass (which I did of course) were FUN.
We went back to the house,
made cookies, conversated some more and that was it.
He stayed over, but nothing happened.
Sorry to burst the bubble.
However... I AM not upset by the lack of events on Saturday night.
After
#MOBD left (and right before I passed out until 3PM--thanks concussion) I had a chat with Roommate M.
Really the chat was more like a realization.
I finally figured it out.
Unfortunately it took a visit from an
ABSOLUTELY AMAZING GUY
for me to figure what the it out is:
I don't want to be in a relationship. It's not that I'm not ready, but it's not what I want for myself and for my life right now. I am FINALLY 100% happy with being single and with the luxury that comes with single-hood. #MOBD and I didn't have a serious heart-to-heart, hell, we didn't even get into crazy serious talk, or anything that breached the walls of feelings or relationships or any of that other mushy-mushy-good stuff. But after he left I knew what I wanted. Finally. I now know that I just want ME.
:)
Is that weird?
I just can't see myself giving any time or serious dedication to a relationship, or to what it takes to make a successful relationship. I want to move forward with my life and make decisions based my things that matter to me right now. Not on matters of the heart, or on other lovey-dovey matters that cloud my brain. I have too many plans for myself and for the life that I want to lead, live, and enjoy. And right now... right now there isn't room in my life for serious.
I'm all for dating and having a good time whenever I see fit,
but I,
Ashley Crowl,
also known as Chuck of the blog Refreshed,
DO NOT WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP
right now.
I don't know what this means for
#MOBD and I or what it means for any of the other dudes in my life currently, or the ones who I don't even know about yet. I'm not too worried though. Pre this 'Revalation' of sorts I would have been, but right now
#ImGooD.
Seriously.
Back to the date... If I didn't make this clear:
I had an AMAZING time with #MOBD this weekend.
I am SO glad that I got to meet him (finally!) and that we both had such a great time.
I believe a direct quote from him was "Wicked Awesome!"
Translation from Boston talk to Brawl-timore speak... Good time.
I heard he got grilled by his family when he got back to Boston. The grilling I received from my boss (his uncle) wasn't too bad...
Here's to hoping he escaped unscathed.
And here's to hoping that this new revelation of mine further leads me in the right direction.
Right where I want to be.
Happy.
Me.
