So it's Valentine's Day and I am blogging, which I think says it all. But just to be doubly sure I never get a boyfriend again, I thought I'd do a post on wedding dresses. Which will also allow me to show some love to one of the smartest blogs I've come across, The Man Repeller.
Because what is a wedding dress, if not The Ultimate Man Repeller?
And what better day to do Bridal, an area of fashion that doesn't get written about very much (although I'm sure the Wills and Kate-fest that we're about to endure - the bride wore Issa, and a really dated engagement ring that creepily belonged to her husband's dead mother, who died partly as a result of the hellish pressure of being the Princess of Wales. Congrats! - will change that), which seems odd to me as, let's be real, all girls think about what they will wear to get married.
Odder still is that so many do, and then seem to lose all sense of self the minute they are actually required to make the decision. It's the only way to explain the blanket uptake of the standard looks-a-bit-like-what-Vera-Wang-was-doing-ten-years-ago number. And why would anyone go to one of those depressing bridal stores anyway when Net A Porter sell wedding dresses made by actual designers you've heard of for about the same price as said strapless mediocrity, if not less? These beauties below are all on the site at the moment:
What self-respecting Scandophile hipster bride wouldn't say yes to an Acne gown?
Imagine the awesomeness of your wedding pictures if you were rocking this Lanvin baby. I'm seeing beach wedding, crazy tousled hair, Ray Ban Aviators, friendship bracelets and Havaianas.
This, by Willow, is pretty much what I wear on Saturday nights (I love me a white sack in a high-end fabric) but who's to say you shouldn't just look like you and be comfortable?
These are the two I would choose. The first is Preen, which is a label I usually dismiss owing to the fact Cheryl Cole wears it a lot, but that neon yellow stripe down the side in combo with the Grecian meets S&M webbing over the front... I DIE (not literally, corpse bride is a look that only really works for Halloween).
As for the D&G below, with a bountifully out-of-control top knot and a red lip, Jesus Christ, I'd marry myself in it.
Speaking of red lips, another wedding style mystery that has always vexed me is who decided you had to make like the Estée lauder Beautiful ad and apply copious amounts of pink blusher to get married? Is it a legal requirement of the wedding contract that it be signed outwith the presence of eyeliner and only by a woman wearing a self-conscious up-do and tasteful blush lipstick? If I ever get married, you better believe my trademark raccoon eyes are coming down the aisle with me.
As if Valentine's Day wasn't enough to fulfil the essential journalistic timeliness required to anchor a story (still can't quite get my head around the fact that I am doing this for FUN), Urban Outfitters also launched their bridal range today, called, inexplicably, bhldn. Hipster bride!
Or, not so much. This was the most interesting dress on the site. Other than it being strapless (ugh) I pretty much love it. It reminds me of that incredible Gaultier fish scale dress Marion Cottilard wore when she won the Oscar for La Vie en Rose.
But the rest of the dresses just looked like cheap versions of standard bridal fare, when I had been expecting full on HPSTR RDCLSNSS with veiled trucker caps and Free People vintage-look dresses adorned with PBR sashes, worn by shoeless brides wafting down an aisle of cherry blossom trees to the strains of Animal Collective to marry someone extravagantly bearded sporting brogues and a bow tie.
If I was to go with more conventional bridal designers, and believe me, I'm still talking Wang/Lhullier/Temperley/Packham rather than Berketex, I'm thinking Alice Temperley would win, based on these two:
Still, no pressure right now. I haven't met this guy yet:
But one decision that has already been taken care of is the matter of the cake:
